Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize