you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
