So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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