Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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