I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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