I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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