guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
