just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
