you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
