he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
