Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
