he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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