While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
