Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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