Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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