Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
