Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
