Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize