so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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