I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize