I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
