I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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