She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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