Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
