you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
