This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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