I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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