You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
