I puked a lego.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
