Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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