So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize