All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
