im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I need moral support for this bender
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize