And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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