i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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