we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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