so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize