I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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