I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It's blow job season.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
