dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
