I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
