if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
