There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
