We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
