So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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