textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
