Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
