Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
