I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
