we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
