got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
