i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Come share oat with me in your robe
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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