I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize