I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
