woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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