He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
