I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
