Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
