drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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