Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
