Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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