im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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