All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
