I want to make a zoo with you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
