Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
