Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
