Screwed.edu
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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