i dont even know how to be here
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
