I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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