I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
