Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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