If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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