Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
