So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
