i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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