Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
